


Corresponding

by xladysaya



Series: Pacific Rim AU [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pacific Rim AU, insecure and emotional Kuroo is what I do, light angst sorta but not really, lots of emotions, mentions of shitty/abusive parents in a flashback, the sappiness is real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 09:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13995033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xladysaya/pseuds/xladysaya
Summary: Kuroo can't help but fear his own weakness, and more than anything, he fears that Tsukishima won't understand the broken parts of himself which Kuroo tries so desperately to hide. However, maybe Kuroo needs to start giving the blond the benefit of the doubt.





	Corresponding

**Author's Note:**

> I had the urge to write more of this verse so here I am lol. I wish I could say you don't need to read the first part to understand this, but sadly you do! It will make more sense I promise ;) Thanks to EmeraldWaves for reading this over!

The phrase ‘adorned in polycarbonate’ would probably strike most people as odd, and was by no means a traditional observation. However, it was all Kuroo had to describe his co-pilot in that moment.

Tsukishima's footsteps echoed against the floor's railing, the dim lighting of the jaeger cockpit casting a gentle glow on the other's already luminous figure. Kuroo briefly wondered if only he saw Tsukishima in this way, as a beacon, and found that he'd gladly spend his life convincing others of the phenomena if he had to.

Everyone should see how much the other shined, like he'd done for Kuroo in more than enough ways, illuminating the ever-present darkness.

For now though, it was just the two of them, taking each other in. The noises of heavy machinery and diagnostic checks faded into nothingness, and all Kuroo could comprehend were honey brown eyes and that  _suit_.

Kuroo was shameless about it as Tsukishima stepped forward, completely free from the shadows, eyes roaming over the sleek charcoal clothing which only intensified the blond's brightness.

A jaeger pilot's drivesuit was as jarring as it was necessary. The glorified wetsuit was covered in "armor," or hard plates made of polycarbonate fibers which protected the chest, legs, and spinal cord.

Kuroo had a matching one, black and sturdy, but he was less impressed with himself in the mirror than he was with how Tsukishima looked right then.

The armor hugged the blond's lean but muscled frame, accentuating every curve and ridge. The bulky attire wasn't meant to look so beautiful, but Tsukishima made it work. More than anything though, it showed how downright  _powerful_  Tsukishima was. The new look commanded the same authority which the blond had exhibited in the cafeteria on Kuroo's first day, only this time it was ready for more than just fighting words.

Tsukishima looked ready for battle, ready to pilot. A chill raced down Kuroo's spine, like he couldn't possibly keep all his satisfaction in if he tried.

He'd never felt more honored to stand by someone in his life.

"Done staring?" Tsukishima's teasing lilt made Kuroo smirk, his eyes flashing with fondness which had only taken a few days to fully cultivate. How much more could he be pulled into Tsukishima's orbit? How much more could he pull Tsukishima into his own?

He didn't want to wait to find out.

"Not yet, give me a good...twenty...years?" Kuroo said, and Tsukishima promptly tossed a helmet at his face. It didn't stop Kuroo from catching the flush on the other's cheeks, the color amplified by the midnight garb. Tsukishima rolled his eyes, but smiled, and Kuroo's heart stalled, as expected.

It was becoming quite common.

Tsukishima turned away, eyeing his reflection in his own helmet's visor with unmasked vulnerability. "I bet you would say that to all your co-pilots."

Tsukishima huffed a small laugh, waiting for Kuroo's playful reply or stupid pick up line.

But Kuroo didn't want to do that. Maybe it was the overwhelming nostalgia which came from standing in the Nekoma's control pod, about to drift again for the first time in years. Or maybe it was all those happy tears he'd shed the night before, or the ones which threatened to leak out even then.

Overall, Tsukishima stood in front of him, open and proud to be there, and ready to follow Kuroo down his dream's old path. Kuroo didn't feel like lying to him about anything in that moment, nor would he brush the truth away.

When they were in a jaeger, there was no need for pretend.

"No, I really don't. It's just you." And Kuroo hoped it was just him for Tsukishima too.

His copilot turned to him, surprised at Kuroo's serious tone, and for a second, only the beeps of the jaeger's machines passed between them. Anxiety and excitement reflected back from Tsukishima's eyes, and once more Kuroo didn't question why they were so compatible. At the root of things, they were the same.

They stared for a while, and Kuroo clutched his helmet, breathing in time with the Nekoma's vitals. To him, the jaeger had always been alive, an extension of himself, and now an extension of Tsukishima too.

With Tsukishima at a loss for words, Kuroo shrugged, grinning lazily. "But yeah, you look really good."

Tsukishima blinked, startled, and then his brain caught up to him, and he laughed, light and real this time. Kuroo drank up the sound, using it as a natural stress reliever as the time of their test neared closer and closer.

Yeah, they'd be fine.

"Hey Kuroo," Tsukishima said, fixing his helmet to his head.

Kuroo perked up, like a cat, his head tilted slightly as he snapped on his own helmet. "Hm?"

Tsukishima turned away, avoiding Kuroo's gaze as his voice dropped to barely above a whisper. "You look good too."

Somehow, the innocent compliment had Kuroo's brain ready to explode, and he didn't try to hide the color blooming on his cheeks.

They exchanged one last smile before their coms filled with static, and Ukai's voice filled their ears. "Pilots, prepare for neural handshake. Two minutes."

All of a sudden, the mix of nerves was back, but instead of making Kuroo sick to his stomach, it sent him flying into action. He and Tsukishima shared one last grin before stepping into position, linking up their limbs with the correct attachments on the jaeger.

_Man, it's been a while...._

Kuroo hadn't drifted in so long, he probably would be in for a shock. Having his memories, painful ones and all, flowing through his mind at the speed of light into his partner's, and seeing Tsukishima's in return. He remembered how overwhelming it could be, but part of him was excited to finally get to share all of himself with the blond.

He pushed away the insecurity as much as he could, not wanting to think of all the struggle and strife which Tsukishima would no doubt witness. Kuroo had gone through a lot of low points in his life. He'd been stepped on, cast out, forced to wander and work meager jobs not at all fitting of his skills. Pathetic, pitiful.

Kuroo knew there was a crowd gathered around the jaeger too, on the outside. He couldn't see them but he felt the stares, the judgement, the complete lack of faith and trust in him. Maybe he deserved some of it. He could picture Daishou's smug face and the crew's bated breaths.

They were waiting for his show to flop, and Kuroo wanted nothing more than to prove them wrong. Regardless, the fear sat in his gut, deep rooted.

But one look at Tsukishima, with his calm face and unexpected tenacity, Kuroo could put some faith in him.

_Please don't be disappointed in me..._

That was his last thought.

"20 seconds. Get ready to drift boys." Ukai at least sounded supportive.

"Ready to be inside my head?" Kuroo said, laughing off the tremors of apprehension inside him as he heard the machinery around him power up.

"I thought I already was," Tsukishima said with a shrug, and yeah, Kuroo could not argue with that. Then, the blond's smile fell, and his eyes filled with the same genuine concern which Kuroo couldn't get enough of. "Stay with me."

_Don't get lost in a memory._

Kuroo exhaled shakily, nodding once. "You too."

He didn't mind that it sounded like begging, he only hoped it wasn't drowned out by the whirring of the Nekoma around him, his nerves sparking like fire.

_"Neural handshake initiated."_

.

.

.

The thing about drifting was it was such an intimate experience that eventually, it became hard to tell his own memories apart from his partner's. The visions, the feelings...they blended together and collided, split in half then reformed all in the same split second. Memories were powerful things too, showing someone's weakest and most sacred moments.

Witnessing the milestones and mistakes of someone's life...the first time it was too much. Too personal.

Now of course, Kuroo didn't mind the sensation as much. The cold chill and the mind numbing tremble of watching everything pass by in mere seconds. Well, it was  _technically_  a few seconds. For pilots it felt like hours, years even, trapped in some nostalgia driven world which was separate from the rest of humanity.

Just the two of them.

Kuroo opened his eyes at the sound of static coming from an old television set, and immediately saw the grainy image of a news report playing on it. The surrounding living room was littered with toys and discarded items. Picture frames, candles, console remotes...

Everything was in disarray, as if a tornado had swept through. Immediately, Kuroo's first thought was the aftermath of a kaiju attack, but things weren't destroyed quite enough for that conclusion to make sense. The roof was intact, the power was on, and no sound came from outside. Right then, the only sound came from the news report, detailing an ongoing kaiju attack in one of America's coastal cities.

It was obviously one of the bad ones too, before the jaeger program had really come into effect. The information bar at the bottom told of numerous fatalities and futile military efforts.

Strangely enough, as intense as the broadcast was, no one sat in front of the television watching it.

Kuroo squinted, eyes roaming the space around him over and over, trying to remember. The frayed edges of the home's walls told him he was in a memory, but nothing seemed familiar to him. Anxiety bubbled up inside him before diffusing completely, some sick form of relief.

He thought he'd be the one to become caught up in an old memory, an old tragedy.

But this memory wasn't his.

He wasn't the one who was stuck.

At the realization, Kuroo's relief shattered, replaced with concern. Before he could even think to call out for Tsukishima, a crash startled him. Suddenly, two small boys came darting out of the kitchen, just as plate hit the adjacent wall, breaking into shards.

From the kitchen, he could hear more things begin to break. The toppling of chairs, the kicking of cabinets...

But Kuroo's focus wasn't on the commotion, only the two boys in front of him who were desperately trying to crawl under the coffee table. Panic from the news report kept playing, but it was far less important then.

Tsukishima looked so small, probably only about five or six, tripping over his hand-me-down pajama pants while he scrambled after his brother. He clutched the fabric of his hoodie as he brought his knees up to his chest, eyes darting towards the kitchen in fear when he heard something else break. He flinched, like somehow, they'd be next.

Tsukishima Akiteru was older than his brother, and his face was one Kuroo knew well. Who didn't? His face had decorated magazines and talk shows ever since he'd made it big as a jaeger pilot. But as Kuroo watched him, Akiteru didn't look anything like the bronze statue they had built of him in Tokyo's museum. The heroic bravery was absent, replaced with trembling hazel eyes and the barely held in tears of a twelve year old trying to shield his brother.

Kuroo's chest tightened just looking at them, and he still couldn't bring himself to call out, but he  _had_  to. He had to get Tsukishima out of this.

Akiteru held his brother tight as the voices from the kitchen rose to screaming. Carefully, Kuroo walked the small distance of the living room until he could kneel down next to his co-pilot's younger self, wishing he could cradle him in his arms.

"Stop!" A woman's voice shrieked from the kitchen as Kuroo watched the young Tsukishima tremble beneath the coffee table. 

A rugged, drunk voice came from a man a few seconds later. "I told you to shut the hell up!"

Kuroo glared at the shadows of Tsukishima's parents, and wondered how none of the neighbors had called the cops or interfered yet. The screaming match was brutal, bouncing off the small home's walls.

Kuroo heard Tsukishima sniff, his eyes shut tight and his hands clasped over his ears to block out the noise. So small, so  _helpless_.

And again, Kuroo couldn't help but notice the violent kaiju attack coverage playing on the T.V. screen, completely unnoticed. But yeah, made sense. He guessed that not even a kaiju could be this scary, not in a million years. 

"Tsukki,  _Kei_ , you gotta snap out of it," Kuroo said, strong and firm. The noise from the kitchen threatened to drown him out, but he reached forward, making sure Tsukishima's focus would be solely on him.

At the sound of another crash, Akiteru was gone, and Tsukishima was no longer a child. And as fucked up as the situation was, Kuroo had to remind himself to breathe, seeing his co-pilot next to him again in all his beauty.

But no, this wasn't the Tsukishima he'd grown to know.

The blond was shaking,  _afraid_ , despite his pilot uniform. His body shivered under Kuroo's touch, and his eyes opened to reveal the same fright his childhood self had expressed. The blond's sassiness, his control...it was gone.

Despite Kuroo's desire to shelter Tsukishima in any way, he felt himself smiling at such childishness, at how much he and Tsukishima were alike after all.

To think all this time, he'd been so worried about his own shortcomings...

Tsukishima was meant to be his partner, he was meant to understand. Kuroo should've had more faith from the start.

"Hey, I'm here now," Kuroo said, jostling Tsukishima a bit with his hand. "This isn't real. This...it's not happening anymore. I need you to come back to me alright?"

Tsukishima whimpered, but he tore his gaze away from the kitchen, landing on Kuroo's comforting gaze. The shouts continued in the background. "K-Kuroo?"

"Yeah! Yeah, it's me," Kuroo said, heart expanding. Tsukishima's eyes softened, but he flinched again at the sound of a chair behind overturned. The shadows in the kitchen grew, as if getting closer...

Tsukishima's breathless tone had Kuroo's eyes snapping back to him. "I...I'm scared, why am I scared?"

Immediately, Kuroo thought of his own terror. The risk of fucking up, of ruining both of their careers, of endangering lives...he'd always beaten himself up so much for all of it. Now though...now he understood a little better.

"Well," he said, sighing to himself. "Because you have the right to be."

Whether it be kaijus or abusive fathers, neither were without dread. A lot of things were scary, and maybe he didn't have to give people shit for it, especially not himself.

_But Kei, I'm here now. We're both here. We can fight and be afraid together._

"I feel like I'm always scared," Tsukishima admitted, his voice no louder than a whisper. The words were much to Kuroo's surprise, given Tsukishima's usual demeanor. The blond was glaring at his own feet, like the confession itself pained him. It probably did, someone as prideful as he was...

"Me too," Kuroo said, and Tsukishima's brow furrowed, like he was  _surprised_  or something. Even though Tsukishima knew better than anyone else how terrified Kuroo could get. It made Kuroo adore him twice as much.

Looking at Tsukishima like this now, with tears in the blond's eyes, a lot of other things became clearer to him.

"I'm sorry," Kuroo said then, compelled to do so, and bowed his head. It was necessary in his mind. He had to come clean here and now. 

They had a test to run.

Tsukishima blinked, wiping away the few tears he'd accidentally shed. The shouting in the background began to fade into nothingness. "Wh--how come?"

Kuroo smiled softly, and he threaded their fingers together, his heart finally at ease. "I guess I sort of put you on a pedestal. Not that you don't deserve one but...I kinda felt like I wasn't good enough for you. That you'd eventually realize that I wasn't a great partner or...I don't know. That you'd realize how weak I can be."

Kuroo swallowed the lump forming in his throat, and Tsukishima's eyes stayed trained on him. The least Kuroo could do was look back. "But, I know now that you're...you need my help too. That we're both a little weak. Seeing you here like this, it made me want to protect you."

_Like you protect me._

"You don't have to be strong for me 24/7, because I definitely won't be strong all the time. But when it counts, I know you'll fight with me, so..."

Kuroo's voice shook, and he closed his eyes, feeling Tsukishima's other hand come up to clasp his own. There was no noise now, not even the television. Tsukishima's mind was calm.

The blond shifted next to him, untucking his knees, and Kuroo dared to look up again. He watched as Tsukishima rose up, pulling Kuroo to his feet. His breath came out shakily, like he hadn't completely forgotten the echoes of broken plates, but he just clutched Kuroo's hands tighter in the face of the fear.

That's all Kuroo could ask for.

"And...I know you'll fight with me, so..."

Kuroo laughed, grinning as the rest of their memories began to flow together again, unfrozen now. He saw and felt the rest of Tsukishima's mistakes, the moments of frailty, and embraced them all as he shared his own.

As his mind began to scramble, he looked at Tsukishima one last time, finding no judgement.

The blond stared at him, and the tear stains had dissipated, his eyes catching fire. "So...let's go be afraid then. And kill some kaiju of course."

Kuroo returned the grin tenfold, and knew he couldn't have said it any better.

.

.

.

_"Right hemisphere calibrated. Left hemisphere calibrated. Ready to active the Jaeger."_

Kuroo's entire body jolted, and he was back in the Nekoma, Tsukishima at his side. The Jaeger breathed to life, moving as Kuroo raised his arms. He smirked, looking to find that Tsukishima was doing exactly the same.

For the first time in a long time, Kuroo was energized, and he remembered what pushed him into a Jaeger in the first place.  _I was born for this._

The world seemed brighter almost, though the cockpit was dim, only the machinery and digital screens provided any light. Still, Kuroo felt exhilarated, raising his hands along with Tsukishima. Their movements corresponded exactly, totally in sync.

It was like a dream.

Ukai's voice spoke into their coms, cementing their lives in reality, and Kuroo could hear the pride in the commander's voice. "Nice job on a successful test, boys. You're ready to go."

_Ready to fight._

Kuroo couldn't help but laughed, and man, he hoped everyone outside felt damn stupid for doubting them now.

Kuroo held in his emotions, overjoyed to let the Nekoma come alive once again, and vowed he wouldn't let it down again. No matter what mistakes he made, he'd return to it, time and time again.

And whenever the next kaiju attack hit, he and Tsukishima would be there, totally united.

They were met with applause when they exited the cockpit, both from the staff and the band of observers. It was strange and out of place, as if they'd killed an actual kaiju instead of simply drifting for the first time, but Kuroo would take it.

He hadn't felt so proud in a long time.

He pulled Tsukishima into a tight hug, and to his shock, the other reciprocated in full. Kuroo could definitely get used to this.

"Thanks...for staying with me," Tsukishima whispered, and Kuroo hugged him tighter, knowing none of his words would do the feeling inside him justice.

_I think it's me who should be thanking you._

But there would be plenty of time for that.

They separated, and Kuroo looked up to the onlookers on the railing, eyes finding Daishou easily. It was weird, the split second of tension Kuroo felt, not knowing whether he'd receive some congratulations or a sneer. In all honesty, he was prepared for either. Nothing could ruin his resolve now.

But Daishou had ways of surprising him. The other nodded respectfully, genuinely, a sharp smirk on his face.

The kind of look which said  _"I'll see you out there."_

Somehow, Kuroo wouldn't have had it any other way. 

"Nice job you two!"

Both he and Tsukishima turned to the voice, finding Semi Eita standing there with his less than enthused looking partner. Kuroo had never met him or Shirabu Kenjirou before, but something told him Shirabu always looked like that.

"Thank you," Kuroo and Tsukishima said in unison, bowing slightly.

"It'll be good to have strong pilots at our side again," Semi continued, his grin fierce, and his eyes filled with fury. Huh, Kuroo thought he looked a bit tame before, but that was far from the truth.

Semi was as insane as the rest of them, but Kuroo would be honored to battle alongside him.

Kuroo watched them walk off, noticing as their fingers brushed together ever so slightly. A real bond, no doubt about it, strengthened by many fights.

Kuroo hoped he and Tsukishima would be as successful. That's the other thing he feared, losing Tsukishima. But as he watched the blond bask in the glow of their small victory, he knew he shouldn't worry.

Tsukishima would claw and bite before he went down, and Kuroo would too.

They'd go down protecting the people of the world, and each other.

After all, that's what made them perfect partners.

As if sensing Kuroo's train of thought, Tsukishima turned to him, grinning in that subtle, secretive way which Kuroo was beginning to fall in love with.

The 'we're going to kick ass' smile suited the blond well. And of course, he was one hundred percent correct.

Kuroo looked up at the dormant kaiju sirens bolted to the walls, knowing soon they'd be ringing loud and menacing, signaling their first fight.

Tsukishima grabbed his hand, and Kuroo knew he had followed his gaze. With a smirk, Kuroo intertwined their fingers together.

_Bring it on._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Comments are always appreciated <3 Please come yell at me on tumblr/twitter about kurotsuki or hq in general! 
> 
> [Tumblr](http://its-love-u-asshole.tumblr.com/post/171290662809/commissions-are-open-hello-everyone-i-decided-to)
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/itsloveuasshole)


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